Band-aids Don't Fix Bullet Holes
by TheChicaChic
Summary: AU 3-Chapters. Begins on New Year's Eve; cleaning up the mess of their relationship as started in my one-shot 'Such Sweet Sorrow'.


**_AN: Happy New Year's, a time for new beginnings and changes, and for fixing things from 2014. This is a three chapter follow-up to my September one-shot 'Such Sweet Sorrow'._**

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><p>In the distance, the merriment of celebrators can be heard, filling the air with pleasantries and warm thoughts at the coming New Year. But here on the roof of Thames House, Ruth shivers, her coat doing little to protect against the bitter wind whipping about her. Not for the first time, she wishes she had remembered to snatch her gloves and scarf from the depths of her desk drawer, but her desire for a few moments of peace had caused her to overlook them.<p>

"What is it Ruth?"

The voice startles her, the lackluster tone wrapping around her as she turns. He is standing beside her, thick black coat buttoned against the cold, gray cashmere scarf knotted tightly around his throat, black leather gloves covering his hands, as he stares out into the distance.

It has been four months and three days since they have been alone together, since they had any kind of conversation without another person present; since they've talked about anything besides work; and she misses him. As she watches the dirty blond curls dance atop his head, she feels the knot in her stomach tighten. Whatever has transpired between them, she misses him; misses _these_ type of moments; and would give just about anything to get them back.

To begin the healing process between them.

But standing here in silence, staring at him, won't get them that. "To talk," she says, her eyes turning back to the city below.

"I have nothing to say to you." The tone of his voice does not change, his eyes never leaving the sprawling city before them, as he says those seven words she has always-dreaded hearing come from his lips.

"Harry, it has been months since we last had a conversation between us. One that wasn't forced or filled with anger and animosity, and I want to change that." She takes a chance, turning to look at him, to lay her hand lightly on his arm. "We were such good friends; or so I thought; and while I know that I messed up, I don't want to see what we had tossed away in the rubbish as if it was nothing."

"And I'd like it to stay that way," he says, ignoring her last comment and the hand resting against him. "You betrayed my trust, sold this department out to those I cannot tolerate without a second thought, and with that, ruined anything that may have been between us. Which is very little," he says, turning to look at her with eyes filled with hurt and anger. "Because if there had been anything true between us, you wouldn't have done it."

"I never meant to hurt you," she answers softly, eyes; though filled with hurt and remorse; meeting his. "It was an unfortunate outcome of a situation I had no control over at the time."

"You had choices Ruth."

"No, I didn't. Not at that time," she says, sighing as she pulls her hand away from his arm.

"Nothing is completely out of your control," he says, turning back to stare at the city. "_You_ chose to let it be."

"You can believe whatever you want Harry, but at the time, to _me_, there was no other choice to be made." She watches him a moment, hoping he'll look at her, but eventually, she realizes that he won't. With a sigh, she turns to look at the buildings below them.

There is a deafening silence between them, the air thick with tension, with hurt and with anger. "Is that all," he says eventually, a sigh filling his voice as he turns to leave. "I have things to do."

"It's New Year's Eve," she says, voice resigned as she watches a light turn on in a window below them. "A time for new beginnings and fresh starts."

He stops mid-stride and turns to look at her, disbelief filling his face. "You think that your betraying my trust; _your lying to me_," he says, voice rising, "is magically fixed because we've entered a new year?"

"No," she says, turning to look at him, "I know it's not. But it's a sta…"

"You think," he says, stepping towards her again, " that I can ever trust another word you say?"

"Yes," she says simply, meeting his heated gaze.

"You are insane," he says, voice low and filled with venom as he comes to a stop a foot from her.

"Maybe."

"I will never," he spits out, "know if you're lying to me. Every word you utter will…"

"be the truth." Her voice is clear as she says this, her eyes wide and honest.

"You're lying right now," he says with a bitter laugh.

"No, I'm not." Stepping forward, she moves to rest her hand on his arm again, stops as he pulls back from her. "You may not like everything I have to say or will say, but it will be the truth. I promise you that."

"Therein lays the problem – I do not trust you."

"No, you don't." she says with a sigh, looking away from him for a moment, her eyes taking in the clouds cover over their heads before meeting his eyes again. "I'm human Harry. I make mistakes. Listen to the wrong voices. Trust the wrong people. I'm not perfect, and I never will be. No matter how hard I try to live in accordance with the principles I hold dear, there will be times that I miss the mark. Every relationship Harry, has to have some room for slippage." She pauses again, trying to read him. "A betrayal is a broken agreement; spoken or unspoken; that is vital to the integrity of a relationship. I know that – you know that. But you better than most also know that a relationship can recover from a betrayal and be better than it was before, even though it takes time and work. And just because I slipped, it does not mean that I do not regret what happened, or even that I meant for it to happen or spiral as it has."

"Those are just words."

"You're right," she sighs, arms wrapping around her middle from the cold, "they are just words. Our entire relationship is built on words and misunderstandings."

"So why do you want to fix it," he bites out, "if that's all it is."

"Because it means a lot to me," she says simply, arms falling to her sides as she continues to stare at him. "_I_ made mistakes. _I_ messed up. It doesn't mean _I_ don't care. That the relationship we had was not unique and special to me."

"I don't trust you Ruth, I never will."

"I do not believe in never." She sighs again, wishing he would give her a chance. "Look, I'm not asking you to trust me, not yet. That is going to take time and work. I understand that. I'm asking you, in good faith, to give me another chance. To prove to you that I never meant to betray your trust, and that I am not lying to you."

"Every word you say is a lie. Something you're saying to try and play with me." His voice is back to the lackluster infliction he had when he first appeared beside her. "This is all a bloody game to you."

"It is not!" she says in frustration, fingers curling into a fist as she fights to keep control of the emotions raging within her. "Nothing between us has ever been a game, nor have I ever set out to play you. God Harry, things happen. Things we don't mean to. It doesn't mean the other person is playing you." She stops, breathing high, as she slowly releases the tight hold she has on her fists. "Why is it so easy for you to forgive others for far more than I have ever done but you can't – no **_won't_** – give me a chance? **Why?**"

"What or who I forgive is none of your business. We're done."

He turns again, starts walking to the door when she speaks.

"You're a coward Harry Pearce. Instead of listening, instead of giving someone you claim means a lot to you another chance, instead of **_fighting_** for a relationship you claim is special _and_ unique, you hide. Run away and refuse to be bothered with it. Is it just whatever there is between us, or do you do that each time something slips out of your control? FIGHT Harry. Stop being such a bloody coward, taking the easy way out, and fight. Argue with me. Scream. Rage. I don't care. But don't just give up and hide."

"You have no idea Ruth. And no right." He does not turn to look at her, just stops by the door, stares at the metal before him.

"I have every right. Because no matter what you may think, our relationship meant; **_means_**; the world to me. It's the first time I have **ever** felt as connected to another person without being in a romantic relationship with him or her as I do with you. So yes, I refuse to give up on it; on us. Because I _know_ that, it _is_ special, it _is_ unique, and that we can be bloody good together. Stop being so stubborn."

At that, he does turn to glare at her, his eyes ignited with every ounce of anger and sadness he has felt. "And how do we do that Ruth? Because as I've said, **I DO NOT TRUST YOU**!"

She bites her lower lip, counting to ten so she does no lash out, make things any worse. "Trust can be rebuilt Harry. It takes time, it takes a lot of work, and it takes faith, but it can be found again. A relationship does not have to be lost just because that trust has been broken."

"If you believe that…" he trails off.

"I do believe that. You're just tossing away something that was great. Give me; give **_us_**; another chance. Rediscover that_ thing_ between us that showed the potential to be so great."

"And how do we do that Ruth?"

"By talking to me. I'm not saying confine your secrets, not until that trust has been rebuilt, but it can't even get started if all you do is ignore me. Give us a chance Harry. It's a new year. Don't forget what happened, but don't act indifferent. Just talk to me. Give me a chance to regain your trust, to show you I am not lying, and that all this has not been some bloody game."

She watches him a moment, not knowing what else to say, or how to convey to him what it is in her head and in her heart, before sighing. "Just give me a chance Harry, that's all I ask."


End file.
